Bowling

You might think that bowling halls are the reserve of 14-year-olds - too old for the Rugrats, too young to get convincing fake IDs. That 'not a girl, not yet a woman' crowd. However, bowling is a sport that can cross all age, gender and fitness barriers.

It is a sport that even the weakest link of your household can participate in. Children and aged relatives can benefit from lane 'bumpers' that guarantee no gutter balls and a cheap sense of self worth. Benefits for you include an enhanced degree of fitness - all right, it's probably marginal, but it's better than a heart murmur. Unlike the pub, where the only exercise you get is waving a commanding finger at the lounge boy, the bowling alley allows you to work off your Bud as you drink it. And if you bowl often enough, you are also assured a large 'Popeye' muscle on your dominant arm. Tasty.

So when did this marvellous sport that allows you to simultaneously drink and fulfil your familial responsibilities emerge? Well, the first bowling set was found in the grave of an Egyptian child, dating from 3,200 B.C. Obviously the precocious brat had bragged about his trendy Chrimbo presents once too often and was rightfully murdered by his peers. However, the modern version of bowling can be traced back to 300 A.D. in Germany, where churchgoers took to rolling a ball down the aisle of the church, aiming at a pin called the heathen. Getting a strike was not greeted with a censorious smiting from an angry God, upset at the defiling of his house. Instead, hitting the heathen was thought to be a robust demonstration of your religious faith. Those who failed to hit the pin had to do penance - kinky penance. If you struck out in Ye Olde Germany, you had to make your peace with God with a spot of nude uphill bowling.

Various forms of bowling developed around Europe throughout the Middle Ages - Italian bocce, French pentanque and lawn bowling in Britain. However, it was the Dutch version that made it in America. They brought their version of ninepins to the New World in the early 17th century, where it flourished. However, the Puritans were horrified to see people gambling and deriving unholy enjoyment from the sport.

A hasty ban on ninepins was enacted in New York and Connecticut around 1841. These spoilsport tactics were foiled, however, as enterprising bowlers simply added another pin, giving the world the sport of ten-pin bowling. After this ten-pin revolution, bowling remained relatively unchanged in the 20th century - 'you roll the ball, it hits the pins' concept was judged to be sound. However, things were improved for pin boys, the young lads whose job it was to set up the pins when they were knocked over, in the 50's.The robotic automatic pinsetter was invented at this time, paving the way for leisureplexs the world over to introduce exciting new concepts such as neon bowling and singles' nights.

So what are the rules of bowling? First of all, regulations insist that all players wear very ugly, rented shoes. You also have to be sure not to step over the foul line, which marks the start of the bowling lane. Then things start to get complicated. A game consists of ten frames. In each frame, you roll the ball twice and each pin that you manage to knock down is worth one point. So far, so simple.

But what if you are very skilled or just on a lucky streak? Let's say you knock down all ten pins, using both balls, in frame number 1. Well done. You have bowled a spare. You are making life difficult for everyone, show-off. In this instance, the score from your first bowl in the next frame is added to your frame 1 score. So if you score 5 from your first bowl in frame 2, your actual score for frame 1 is 15. Let's say you actually knock down all ten pins with the first ball you roll in frame 1 - this is known as a strike. As there is no need to roll a second ball, you get to add the points of your next two bowls to your frame 1 score. The tenth and last frame is super bonus time. If you bowl a spare here, then the pins are set back up and you are allowed to have one more ball to play with. However, if you bowl a strike then the pins are reset for two more balls. Then the madness ends and your points are added up.

The maximum score you can attain with all these cumulative points is 300 - the perfect game. Getting good at bowling requires practice, but there are a few things that you should know before you try it for yourself. First of all, choose the heaviest ball that you can comfortably handle. Position yourself about five steps away from the foul line, holding the ball in front of your chest. If you are right-handed, step forward with your right foot first. Swing your bowling arm down by your side and walk to the line. Swing back this arm until it is fully extended, and then swing it forward, directing it to the middle pin. Keeping your wrist straight, release the ball and yell "Strike!" even if it isn't - it will make you feel important...